When I look in the mirror, I do not see myself
staring back at me is a shell
a large shell with scars and stretch marks
a shell that is indestructible
while it protects me, it is the source of my agony
never perfect, always changing
every year my shell expands
pushing the limits my skin holds
fresh red lines roam my stomach and arms
the marks of pregnancy now cover my body
I am a child
I am not supposed to look like this
my shell and I
she is my enemy and my friend
push and pull like waves in the ocean
one day I hate her, the next she’s not that bad
all I know is that I can hide
the contents of which I have no clue
but it aches to come forth
beyond the walls of its imperfect shell
to a world where it can be free
staring back at me is a shell
a large shell with scars and stretch marks
a shell that is indestructible
while it protects me, it is the source of my agony
never perfect, always changing
every year my shell expands
pushing the limits my skin holds
fresh red lines roam my stomach and arms
the marks of pregnancy now cover my body
I am a child
I am not supposed to look like this
my shell and I
she is my enemy and my friend
push and pull like waves in the ocean
one day I hate her, the next she’s not that bad
all I know is that I can hide
the contents of which I have no clue
but it aches to come forth
beyond the walls of its imperfect shell
to a world where it can be free
Artist Statement
This piece is a representation of the many thoughts that run through my head. I’m not going to lie to you and say that I’m body positive when it comes to my own body image. I get so down on myself. I feel guilty because I know size and stretch marks don’t matter, but it’s hard to get these deeply rooted fat phobic thoughts out of my head. Society and social media has taught us from a young age that we have to look a “certain way,” a way that is impossible. The thing I want you to take away from this piece is that you are not alone. It’s a long journey towards true self love, but it’s a journey we all have to take. No matter how down you feel sometimes, there’s someone out there who’s sitting in that deep dark tunnel with you. You are not alone. You are beautiful. We got this.
This piece is a representation of the many thoughts that run through my head. I’m not going to lie to you and say that I’m body positive when it comes to my own body image. I get so down on myself. I feel guilty because I know size and stretch marks don’t matter, but it’s hard to get these deeply rooted fat phobic thoughts out of my head. Society and social media has taught us from a young age that we have to look a “certain way,” a way that is impossible. The thing I want you to take away from this piece is that you are not alone. It’s a long journey towards true self love, but it’s a journey we all have to take. No matter how down you feel sometimes, there’s someone out there who’s sitting in that deep dark tunnel with you. You are not alone. You are beautiful. We got this.
