Title
I jerked awake when I heard gunshots outside, but I already knew what it was. After a moment to blink the sleepiness out of my eyes and calm my racing heart, I stood up, then pushed my curtains open to reveal the Gang once again facing off against the police.
With a sigh, I sank down at my desk near the window and continued staring out at the shootout outside. I couldn’t see much through my small dirty window, not with the nighttime darkness cloaking the city, but there was movement outside the apartment building, which I assumed was where the robbery was taking place. One of these nights I’ll actually be able to get some sleep.
But the murmur of my parents’ voices quickly caught my attention.
“Are we sure this is a good idea?” It was Masuru, my dad, his voice was almost too quiet to make out.
Sure about what? Turning, I stood up from my desk and crept over to my door, then pressed my ear against the wood in an attempt to pick up on more of the conversation.
“Yeah,” Afa agreed. “I just don’t want to bring it up with Terra, but I know we have to. We can’t keep this from her any longer.”
What am I not going to like? Should I really be listening in on this?
Masuru sighed. “She was going to start college here in the fall—she was already accepted.”
Afa went quiet.
Why are they talking in the past tense? It’s not like I’ve been suddenly kicked out.
“Well, we’ve got the security deposit back already, so all that’s left to do is to leave for Demosia” Afa told him.
I froze.
No.
It didn’t make sense.
No, we can’t be moving. This isn’t possible.
“Yeah,” Masuru agreed. “And tell Terra.”
Tell Terra? Tell me what—that you’ve been hiding this behind my back?! That you’ve been planning this while I’ve been dreaming of my future?!
Rage flooded me, my cheeks flush from anger. I threw my door open and stalked the short distance to the living room, glaring at both of my parents. “Hey, what’s this about moving? How long have you been discussing this?” My voice rose a little bit. “When is this happening—tomorrow?! Don’t I get a say?!”
“Terra—” Afa started, their voice pleading.
“You said things would get better.”
“King Agamemnon is corrupt.” Masuru sounded frustrated. “There’s no saving Ithaca now that he’s in charge. Have you looked around at the world lately?”
“I have a life here!” I protested. “I was gonna go to school to be a lawyer! I-I was gonna move out . . . make friends . . . get a job . . . .” My hands clenched into fists. “I can’t even go to school in Demosia, let alone become a lawyer!”
“I’m sorry.”
I slammed my hands into the table, rattling the table and clattering the candle. “That’s all you have to say?! That you’re sorry for messing up my entire life?! You don’t get to decide this for me!”
“Terra—”
“Things haven’t gotten that bad!”
“Te—”
“I can make my own decisions!”
“It’s not safe to stay here!” Masuru shouted back. “I’m not sacrificing our family for a city that’s already doomed.”
“It’s not doomed!” I objected. “It’s people like you that are dooming it—you’re just giving up and letting all the people here die!”
“That’s not—” Masuru started.
“That’s exactly what you’re doing! And you’re sacrificing my future to do it!”
“It’s not all about you, Terra!” Masuru thundered. “We’re in charge and you’re still our daughter. We’re leaving in the morning.” Softly continuing, as if almost to himself, “This isn’t the city I grew up in.”
I spun around, tears stinging my eyes, a lump in my throat, my hands in fists, nails biting into my palms. I didn’t want the tears to be there—I didn’t want to show them I was upset—but I couldn’t control it. “No.”
“No?”
“I said no,” I repeated. “I’m not leaving.”
“Terra, this isn’t your decision.”
“It is my decision!” I yelled back, whirling to face them again. “I’m not just a child! When are you going to see that?!”
“I care about you living more than your happiness,” Masuru growled. “Stop being stupid.”
I spun around, darting towards the door and grabbing my belt and knives from where they laid on the end table. As I yanked the door to our apartment building open, Masuru shouted, “TERRA!”
I didn’t turn back and instead continued racing down the stairs. I can’t believe they would do this to me. How dare they say I’m nothing more than their child? How dare they say I don’t know what I’m doing?! I know exactly what I’m doing and this is my choice to make, not theirs!
As soon as I reached the first floor of the building, I stopped and pressed my back into the wall, next to the row of dirty, gray mailboxes. I leaned toward the window, barely an eye showing around the corner, glancing out the building’s front window. The Gang and the police were still fighting, but it looked like the Gang was winning. It’d only be a few more minutes before the police fled.
The police couldn’t effectively do anything anymore. The more power the king took over the government, the less ability they had to fund their agency, and the more the corruption of the ritualistic life-stealing knives rotted through the police force. It was only a matter of time before they became a Gang with more guns to deal with.
I strapped my belt and knives to my waist, trying to calm myself down, but with my hands shaking as badly as they were it was a struggle to get the knives in their sheaths. It’s not that bad. It’ll get better. It’s only a matter of time before someone takes the king down and he’s replaced by someone more reasonable. Then they’ll ban these stupid knives as well.
As the gunshots began dying down, I moved down the exit stairs, careful not to creak the steps, and eased the back entrance open, creeping out into the dusty alley.
“Surrender now!” a police officer shouted, his voice echoing through the city.
One of the Gang members cursed in response.
For a moment, I considered heading back into my nice safe apartment building and going back to sleep, but the second I remembered the tone of Masuru’s voice when he’d talked to me like I was some ignorant child, I banished the thoughts, putting my hand against the cool brick to keep my bearings in the darkness.
A different cry echoed through the alley. More panicked, less angry, and a lot younger. I whirled around and whipped out both of my knives, starting as a young figure of some sort shot around the corner.
I dropped one of my knives and grabbed her before she shot past me. Her orange hair was a frizzy mess, her face stained with mud and tears. Her clothes had been run ragged. “Hold o—”
“NO! NO!” Her screams were piercing.
“Quiet! The Ga—”
A person in a dark cloak darted out from the same alley and skidded to a halt in front of me. Apart from their pointy nose and black shoes, I couldn’t see much of them, but they looked strong and formidable.
I stood up taller, gripping my remaining knife tighter as my heart hammered against my chest. “Back off.” My other hand remained tight around the girl’s arm.
“Or what?”
“Or I kill you.” They have extras, Terra. Don’t forget that. It’s not really killing someone if they just come back a few minutes later.
The girl started to take off again, but I tightened my grip on her arm and forced her to stay still.
“That’s my daughter,” the person protested. “Yo—”
“If she’s running from you there’s a good reason,” I interrupted. “She’s above the life-stealing limit. No way are you getting her.”
Their hand tightened around their ritual knife, still fluttering with purple from their last kill.
“Go find some easier prey. I bet the Gang would love to spar with you.”
More gunshots rang out from the other side of the building. Face still obscured by the dark hood, they started backing up, then took one more look at me and ran back the way they’d come.
I let out a long breath. “There, you’re safe now. It’s all going to be okay.”
But the little girl yanked her arm out of my hand and stumbled to the side, nearly tripping over a piece of discarded trash. “G-get away from me,” she choked out. Her green eyes glaring with hatred, fear. Rebellion.
I reached out a hand. “Wait, I can help yo—”
“GET AWAY FROM ME!”
As she turned and started running down the alley towards the front of the building, I shouted, “The Gang’s that way! They’ll kill you!”
With a flip of orange hair, she disappeared around the corner.
Adrenaline surged through me as I started chasing her, but skidded to a halt and flinched as a gunshot rang out. A thump, a muttered curse and I froze, imagining that little girl with a ring of blood pooling around her, dead eyes staring up at the dark sky.
As the footsteps started coming my way, I stumbled back and ducked behind an overflowing dumpster, a burning feeling in my eyes. Covering my mouth with my hands, trying to muffle the sound of my strangled breaths. The smell of rot was nauseating. Cold tears dripped between my fingers.
The voices stopped just inches away from my dumpster. “No one else!”
A little girl, alive just moments before, that I--
“Good!”
The footsteps receded in the direction of the dead girl.
I waited for another moment to make sure no one else was coming, then stumbled to my feet and started running in the opposite direction, the girl’s green eyes haunting my mind. The brick walls flashed by, but I didn’t recognize them anymore. They just looked like strange, imposing walls blocking me in, trapping me.
I can’t believe I--
No, no, I can’t think about that, I’m gonna die.
Tears blurred my vision, but I blinked them away, forcing myself to keep running. Fragments of glass poked through my worn shoes, slivers making their way into my feet as I disappeared deeper into the alleyways, instinctively avoiding the more dangerous main roads between the bigger buildings.
She just . . . I tried--
Gonna die, gonna die, no time for that.
Purple.
I screeched to a halt with a startled gasp and a muffled sob, starting to stagger back, but I knew I had nowhere to go but back to the Gang fight just a few minutes behind me.
But a person in a gray cloak loomed before me, their ritualistic life-stealing knife alight with purple runes, and they took a step closer, their teeth flashing purple in the light.
No. Nononono.
“B-back away,” I stammered, stumbling back a little further and pulling out my other knife. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die.
In response, the person started the Chant of Taking, leaping forward and pinning me against the wall. I tried to swing at them with my knives, but they slipped out of my trembling hands and clattered to the ground as I hit the brick with an ugly thump. Pain laced up my back.
“Please,” I begged. “I-I’m only eighteen—get an old person or something! Please!”
They didn’t respond. After all, a life was just a life—it didn’t matter where it came from.
The knife started brightening. The world blurred around me. I yanked my left shoulder away from them and punched them in the stomach, tearing myself out of their grasp, but I could feel the burning scratches, blood dripping towards my hands. My heart pounded in my ears.
A muttered curse left them as they leaped again, but I saw it coming this time and jumped to the opposite side, grabbing one of my knives off of the ground and holding it out as they ran into me full-tilt. The world froze for a moment as their blood splattered across my face and they collapsed to the ground. The knife slid out of my hand.
Did I just kill someone?
It was like a punch in the gut. The world started turning black at the sides of my vision as I struggled to get air, struggled to stop the tears and the choking feeling in my throat. I took a person’s life. They just died because of me.
I pressed my hands into my forehead. Why did I run off? This is why my parents want to leave. This is literally exactly why my parents want to get out of this place. Someone just tried to kill me. Murder me. That person just tried to steal my freaking life.
With that stupid ritual knife.
I peeled my eyes open and squinted at the blurry purple shape lying on the ground beside them.
All I’d have to do is take this knife and . . . .
My hand shook madly as I picked the ritual knife up off the ground. Rather than silver like the moon, the world was purple, purple and black. I wouldn’t have to be scared if I knew I could come back again . . . .
The first few words of the Chant of Taking slipped between my lips, power rippling through my body like an electric shock. Their still dead body laid there, defenseless, helpless. Words left my mouth—I didn’t know what they meant, but they felt foreign, smooth, easy.
And strong.
I couldn’t hear the gunshots anymore, nor could I hear or feel the frantic flutter of my heartbeat. I couldn’t see anything but the person in front of me.
The person who had no way to defend themself.
The killer I was about to become.
In an instant the words choked off, and I stumbled back, dropping the knife and covering my mouth. The runes on the knife burned bright, tempting me back, but I squeezed my eyes shut until I couldn’t see the light anymore.
Did I just--
One second I was standing and the next I was on the dirty, dusty, bloody ground. That knife, I had it in my hand, and I was about to . . . .
I opened my eyes, but when I saw the cloaked figure still there on the ground my stomach got the upper hand and emptied itself onto the cement next to the mysterious figure.
What’s wrong with me? What kind of horrible person would steal someone else’s chance at life to prolong theirs? What kind of horrible person does that make me?
A sob shuddered through my chest. Do my parents really want to leave because they’re scared of dying, or are they scared of what the knives could do to us? Do to me? I could still feel the phantom shadow of the ritual knife, just a few feet to my left and slightly in front of me, begging me to pick it up, to take it back.
As I leaned down, drawn to the ritual knife with a laser-like gaze, I slowed to wipe the sweat off my face, but I felt the blood smear across my cheek instead. I grabbed both of my knives off the ground and sipped them into their respective sheathes, but hesitated before I grabbed the ritual knife.
What if it makes me kill?
I shook my head firmly. No, Terra, don’t be an idiot. It can’t make you a killer just by existing. It’s safer with me than it is out here. It has to be. I picked it up.
The now-empty runes on the side glittered up at me in the moonlight. How many more of us will become killers? Will I become a killer if I stay?
Will I regret it if I leave?
A shudder raced through me as I saw the person light up in purple, a sign their next life was starting any moment. That knife is safer with me than it is with them. At least I know that much for certain.
Even still, as I put it in my coat pocket and stumbled to my feet, as I started running back in the direction of my home and the Gang, I could feel the weight pulsing against my hip, heavy with the burden of hundreds of lives.
I stopped in front of my apartment door. When I walked in, I’d have to make a decision about whether or not I wanted to go or stay. I couldn’t imagine living without my parents looking after me, but I also couldn’t imagine leaving. How could they do this to me? How could they tear everything I love away from me in just one night? Do they really care that little about my happiness?
I took one last deep breath before opening the door to reveal Afa standing there, a surprised look flitting across their face, followed by concern. “Terra?”
I nodded. “Yeah.” Everything felt far away. The shadows were stained with blood, the ritual knife pulsing with power in my pocket.
Afa pulled me into their arms, but I didn’t really feel them. “Where have you been?! Why did you run off like that?! Yo—”
“I’m sorry,” I choked out. “I-I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Afa soothed. “We were just worried. The city isn’t safe anymore.”
“I know,” I whispered. But that doesn’t mean I want to abandon it.
Masuru came down the hall and gasped. “Terra?”
I nodded as Afa drew me fully into our dimly lit apartment and shut the door. The orange candles flickered purple.
He came up and hugged me. “Do you have any idea how angry I am right now?”
“I know,” I repeated. “But I’m not a kid anymore. Please stop treating me like I’m ignorant and stupid and can’t make adult decisions just like you can.”
Afa and Masuru released me. “I know it’s hard, but Masuru and I are getting older,” Afa reminded me. “We’re not going to be able to fight to defend ourselves.”
“I know,” I repeated again. “You have to leave.” The words broke my heart. In the end, you’re the more important one than me. And you say I’m the selfish one.
“Yeah.” Afa grabbed my hand. “And we want you to come.”
“How can I? There are kids being murdered out there. Kids.” I took another deep breath. “If everyone who cares leaves, how are things ever going to improve?” Did you ever really care about the city? Did your love for the city die with the last king?
Afa hugged me again. “They won’t,” they admitted. “But you don’t have to die with the city.”
“I’m not going to die,” I told them stubbornly. “I’m not giving up on it.” If we leave, we’re only going to spread the problem. Running away won’t solve anything.
“You’re not ready to live on your own yet,” Masuru pointed out. “I think you running off proved that much.”
“But I came back,” I countered. “I’m here, I’m still alive. I know how to defend myself, and every person fighting against the knives makes a difference.” My mind flashed back to the little girl, running for her life, the only one she had. “We can’t give up.”
“You’re a brave young woman. The bravest.” Afa’s tears glittered in the candlelight.
And that’s when it hit me. That I was staying and they weren’t. The whole world felt like it was rocking on a boat, the salty wind hitting my sunburned face, stained purple. You’re still going to leave.
“We’ll always love you,” Afa finished.
“I’ll follow you,” I choked out. “In a few years, once there’s a movement against the knives. Once the king is dead and they’re gone. I-I’ll leave and bring you back a-and we—”
Masuru shushed me, knowing there was nothing that would change my mind. “We know. We love you, Terra. Just be safe, okay? It’s a big responsibility to live on your own, especially in this city. Don’t let this all be for nothing.”
“I’ll protect them,” I promised. The life-stealing knife felt heavy in my jacket. “I promise. I’m not throwing my life away.”
“You’ll be the resounding heart of the rebellion, just like you were in our family.” Afa smiled weakly. “I love you, Terra. We both do.”
I stepped out of their hug, giving a weak smile. “I love you too.”
With a sigh, I sank down at my desk near the window and continued staring out at the shootout outside. I couldn’t see much through my small dirty window, not with the nighttime darkness cloaking the city, but there was movement outside the apartment building, which I assumed was where the robbery was taking place. One of these nights I’ll actually be able to get some sleep.
But the murmur of my parents’ voices quickly caught my attention.
“Are we sure this is a good idea?” It was Masuru, my dad, his voice was almost too quiet to make out.
Sure about what? Turning, I stood up from my desk and crept over to my door, then pressed my ear against the wood in an attempt to pick up on more of the conversation.
“Yeah,” Afa agreed. “I just don’t want to bring it up with Terra, but I know we have to. We can’t keep this from her any longer.”
What am I not going to like? Should I really be listening in on this?
Masuru sighed. “She was going to start college here in the fall—she was already accepted.”
Afa went quiet.
Why are they talking in the past tense? It’s not like I’ve been suddenly kicked out.
“Well, we’ve got the security deposit back already, so all that’s left to do is to leave for Demosia” Afa told him.
I froze.
No.
It didn’t make sense.
No, we can’t be moving. This isn’t possible.
“Yeah,” Masuru agreed. “And tell Terra.”
Tell Terra? Tell me what—that you’ve been hiding this behind my back?! That you’ve been planning this while I’ve been dreaming of my future?!
Rage flooded me, my cheeks flush from anger. I threw my door open and stalked the short distance to the living room, glaring at both of my parents. “Hey, what’s this about moving? How long have you been discussing this?” My voice rose a little bit. “When is this happening—tomorrow?! Don’t I get a say?!”
“Terra—” Afa started, their voice pleading.
“You said things would get better.”
“King Agamemnon is corrupt.” Masuru sounded frustrated. “There’s no saving Ithaca now that he’s in charge. Have you looked around at the world lately?”
“I have a life here!” I protested. “I was gonna go to school to be a lawyer! I-I was gonna move out . . . make friends . . . get a job . . . .” My hands clenched into fists. “I can’t even go to school in Demosia, let alone become a lawyer!”
“I’m sorry.”
I slammed my hands into the table, rattling the table and clattering the candle. “That’s all you have to say?! That you’re sorry for messing up my entire life?! You don’t get to decide this for me!”
“Terra—”
“Things haven’t gotten that bad!”
“Te—”
“I can make my own decisions!”
“It’s not safe to stay here!” Masuru shouted back. “I’m not sacrificing our family for a city that’s already doomed.”
“It’s not doomed!” I objected. “It’s people like you that are dooming it—you’re just giving up and letting all the people here die!”
“That’s not—” Masuru started.
“That’s exactly what you’re doing! And you’re sacrificing my future to do it!”
“It’s not all about you, Terra!” Masuru thundered. “We’re in charge and you’re still our daughter. We’re leaving in the morning.” Softly continuing, as if almost to himself, “This isn’t the city I grew up in.”
I spun around, tears stinging my eyes, a lump in my throat, my hands in fists, nails biting into my palms. I didn’t want the tears to be there—I didn’t want to show them I was upset—but I couldn’t control it. “No.”
“No?”
“I said no,” I repeated. “I’m not leaving.”
“Terra, this isn’t your decision.”
“It is my decision!” I yelled back, whirling to face them again. “I’m not just a child! When are you going to see that?!”
“I care about you living more than your happiness,” Masuru growled. “Stop being stupid.”
I spun around, darting towards the door and grabbing my belt and knives from where they laid on the end table. As I yanked the door to our apartment building open, Masuru shouted, “TERRA!”
I didn’t turn back and instead continued racing down the stairs. I can’t believe they would do this to me. How dare they say I’m nothing more than their child? How dare they say I don’t know what I’m doing?! I know exactly what I’m doing and this is my choice to make, not theirs!
As soon as I reached the first floor of the building, I stopped and pressed my back into the wall, next to the row of dirty, gray mailboxes. I leaned toward the window, barely an eye showing around the corner, glancing out the building’s front window. The Gang and the police were still fighting, but it looked like the Gang was winning. It’d only be a few more minutes before the police fled.
The police couldn’t effectively do anything anymore. The more power the king took over the government, the less ability they had to fund their agency, and the more the corruption of the ritualistic life-stealing knives rotted through the police force. It was only a matter of time before they became a Gang with more guns to deal with.
I strapped my belt and knives to my waist, trying to calm myself down, but with my hands shaking as badly as they were it was a struggle to get the knives in their sheaths. It’s not that bad. It’ll get better. It’s only a matter of time before someone takes the king down and he’s replaced by someone more reasonable. Then they’ll ban these stupid knives as well.
As the gunshots began dying down, I moved down the exit stairs, careful not to creak the steps, and eased the back entrance open, creeping out into the dusty alley.
“Surrender now!” a police officer shouted, his voice echoing through the city.
One of the Gang members cursed in response.
For a moment, I considered heading back into my nice safe apartment building and going back to sleep, but the second I remembered the tone of Masuru’s voice when he’d talked to me like I was some ignorant child, I banished the thoughts, putting my hand against the cool brick to keep my bearings in the darkness.
A different cry echoed through the alley. More panicked, less angry, and a lot younger. I whirled around and whipped out both of my knives, starting as a young figure of some sort shot around the corner.
I dropped one of my knives and grabbed her before she shot past me. Her orange hair was a frizzy mess, her face stained with mud and tears. Her clothes had been run ragged. “Hold o—”
“NO! NO!” Her screams were piercing.
“Quiet! The Ga—”
A person in a dark cloak darted out from the same alley and skidded to a halt in front of me. Apart from their pointy nose and black shoes, I couldn’t see much of them, but they looked strong and formidable.
I stood up taller, gripping my remaining knife tighter as my heart hammered against my chest. “Back off.” My other hand remained tight around the girl’s arm.
“Or what?”
“Or I kill you.” They have extras, Terra. Don’t forget that. It’s not really killing someone if they just come back a few minutes later.
The girl started to take off again, but I tightened my grip on her arm and forced her to stay still.
“That’s my daughter,” the person protested. “Yo—”
“If she’s running from you there’s a good reason,” I interrupted. “She’s above the life-stealing limit. No way are you getting her.”
Their hand tightened around their ritual knife, still fluttering with purple from their last kill.
“Go find some easier prey. I bet the Gang would love to spar with you.”
More gunshots rang out from the other side of the building. Face still obscured by the dark hood, they started backing up, then took one more look at me and ran back the way they’d come.
I let out a long breath. “There, you’re safe now. It’s all going to be okay.”
But the little girl yanked her arm out of my hand and stumbled to the side, nearly tripping over a piece of discarded trash. “G-get away from me,” she choked out. Her green eyes glaring with hatred, fear. Rebellion.
I reached out a hand. “Wait, I can help yo—”
“GET AWAY FROM ME!”
As she turned and started running down the alley towards the front of the building, I shouted, “The Gang’s that way! They’ll kill you!”
With a flip of orange hair, she disappeared around the corner.
Adrenaline surged through me as I started chasing her, but skidded to a halt and flinched as a gunshot rang out. A thump, a muttered curse and I froze, imagining that little girl with a ring of blood pooling around her, dead eyes staring up at the dark sky.
As the footsteps started coming my way, I stumbled back and ducked behind an overflowing dumpster, a burning feeling in my eyes. Covering my mouth with my hands, trying to muffle the sound of my strangled breaths. The smell of rot was nauseating. Cold tears dripped between my fingers.
The voices stopped just inches away from my dumpster. “No one else!”
A little girl, alive just moments before, that I--
“Good!”
The footsteps receded in the direction of the dead girl.
I waited for another moment to make sure no one else was coming, then stumbled to my feet and started running in the opposite direction, the girl’s green eyes haunting my mind. The brick walls flashed by, but I didn’t recognize them anymore. They just looked like strange, imposing walls blocking me in, trapping me.
I can’t believe I--
No, no, I can’t think about that, I’m gonna die.
Tears blurred my vision, but I blinked them away, forcing myself to keep running. Fragments of glass poked through my worn shoes, slivers making their way into my feet as I disappeared deeper into the alleyways, instinctively avoiding the more dangerous main roads between the bigger buildings.
She just . . . I tried--
Gonna die, gonna die, no time for that.
Purple.
I screeched to a halt with a startled gasp and a muffled sob, starting to stagger back, but I knew I had nowhere to go but back to the Gang fight just a few minutes behind me.
But a person in a gray cloak loomed before me, their ritualistic life-stealing knife alight with purple runes, and they took a step closer, their teeth flashing purple in the light.
No. Nononono.
“B-back away,” I stammered, stumbling back a little further and pulling out my other knife. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die.
In response, the person started the Chant of Taking, leaping forward and pinning me against the wall. I tried to swing at them with my knives, but they slipped out of my trembling hands and clattered to the ground as I hit the brick with an ugly thump. Pain laced up my back.
“Please,” I begged. “I-I’m only eighteen—get an old person or something! Please!”
They didn’t respond. After all, a life was just a life—it didn’t matter where it came from.
The knife started brightening. The world blurred around me. I yanked my left shoulder away from them and punched them in the stomach, tearing myself out of their grasp, but I could feel the burning scratches, blood dripping towards my hands. My heart pounded in my ears.
A muttered curse left them as they leaped again, but I saw it coming this time and jumped to the opposite side, grabbing one of my knives off of the ground and holding it out as they ran into me full-tilt. The world froze for a moment as their blood splattered across my face and they collapsed to the ground. The knife slid out of my hand.
Did I just kill someone?
It was like a punch in the gut. The world started turning black at the sides of my vision as I struggled to get air, struggled to stop the tears and the choking feeling in my throat. I took a person’s life. They just died because of me.
I pressed my hands into my forehead. Why did I run off? This is why my parents want to leave. This is literally exactly why my parents want to get out of this place. Someone just tried to kill me. Murder me. That person just tried to steal my freaking life.
With that stupid ritual knife.
I peeled my eyes open and squinted at the blurry purple shape lying on the ground beside them.
All I’d have to do is take this knife and . . . .
My hand shook madly as I picked the ritual knife up off the ground. Rather than silver like the moon, the world was purple, purple and black. I wouldn’t have to be scared if I knew I could come back again . . . .
The first few words of the Chant of Taking slipped between my lips, power rippling through my body like an electric shock. Their still dead body laid there, defenseless, helpless. Words left my mouth—I didn’t know what they meant, but they felt foreign, smooth, easy.
And strong.
I couldn’t hear the gunshots anymore, nor could I hear or feel the frantic flutter of my heartbeat. I couldn’t see anything but the person in front of me.
The person who had no way to defend themself.
The killer I was about to become.
In an instant the words choked off, and I stumbled back, dropping the knife and covering my mouth. The runes on the knife burned bright, tempting me back, but I squeezed my eyes shut until I couldn’t see the light anymore.
Did I just--
One second I was standing and the next I was on the dirty, dusty, bloody ground. That knife, I had it in my hand, and I was about to . . . .
I opened my eyes, but when I saw the cloaked figure still there on the ground my stomach got the upper hand and emptied itself onto the cement next to the mysterious figure.
What’s wrong with me? What kind of horrible person would steal someone else’s chance at life to prolong theirs? What kind of horrible person does that make me?
A sob shuddered through my chest. Do my parents really want to leave because they’re scared of dying, or are they scared of what the knives could do to us? Do to me? I could still feel the phantom shadow of the ritual knife, just a few feet to my left and slightly in front of me, begging me to pick it up, to take it back.
As I leaned down, drawn to the ritual knife with a laser-like gaze, I slowed to wipe the sweat off my face, but I felt the blood smear across my cheek instead. I grabbed both of my knives off the ground and sipped them into their respective sheathes, but hesitated before I grabbed the ritual knife.
What if it makes me kill?
I shook my head firmly. No, Terra, don’t be an idiot. It can’t make you a killer just by existing. It’s safer with me than it is out here. It has to be. I picked it up.
The now-empty runes on the side glittered up at me in the moonlight. How many more of us will become killers? Will I become a killer if I stay?
Will I regret it if I leave?
A shudder raced through me as I saw the person light up in purple, a sign their next life was starting any moment. That knife is safer with me than it is with them. At least I know that much for certain.
Even still, as I put it in my coat pocket and stumbled to my feet, as I started running back in the direction of my home and the Gang, I could feel the weight pulsing against my hip, heavy with the burden of hundreds of lives.
I stopped in front of my apartment door. When I walked in, I’d have to make a decision about whether or not I wanted to go or stay. I couldn’t imagine living without my parents looking after me, but I also couldn’t imagine leaving. How could they do this to me? How could they tear everything I love away from me in just one night? Do they really care that little about my happiness?
I took one last deep breath before opening the door to reveal Afa standing there, a surprised look flitting across their face, followed by concern. “Terra?”
I nodded. “Yeah.” Everything felt far away. The shadows were stained with blood, the ritual knife pulsing with power in my pocket.
Afa pulled me into their arms, but I didn’t really feel them. “Where have you been?! Why did you run off like that?! Yo—”
“I’m sorry,” I choked out. “I-I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Afa soothed. “We were just worried. The city isn’t safe anymore.”
“I know,” I whispered. But that doesn’t mean I want to abandon it.
Masuru came down the hall and gasped. “Terra?”
I nodded as Afa drew me fully into our dimly lit apartment and shut the door. The orange candles flickered purple.
He came up and hugged me. “Do you have any idea how angry I am right now?”
“I know,” I repeated. “But I’m not a kid anymore. Please stop treating me like I’m ignorant and stupid and can’t make adult decisions just like you can.”
Afa and Masuru released me. “I know it’s hard, but Masuru and I are getting older,” Afa reminded me. “We’re not going to be able to fight to defend ourselves.”
“I know,” I repeated again. “You have to leave.” The words broke my heart. In the end, you’re the more important one than me. And you say I’m the selfish one.
“Yeah.” Afa grabbed my hand. “And we want you to come.”
“How can I? There are kids being murdered out there. Kids.” I took another deep breath. “If everyone who cares leaves, how are things ever going to improve?” Did you ever really care about the city? Did your love for the city die with the last king?
Afa hugged me again. “They won’t,” they admitted. “But you don’t have to die with the city.”
“I’m not going to die,” I told them stubbornly. “I’m not giving up on it.” If we leave, we’re only going to spread the problem. Running away won’t solve anything.
“You’re not ready to live on your own yet,” Masuru pointed out. “I think you running off proved that much.”
“But I came back,” I countered. “I’m here, I’m still alive. I know how to defend myself, and every person fighting against the knives makes a difference.” My mind flashed back to the little girl, running for her life, the only one she had. “We can’t give up.”
“You’re a brave young woman. The bravest.” Afa’s tears glittered in the candlelight.
And that’s when it hit me. That I was staying and they weren’t. The whole world felt like it was rocking on a boat, the salty wind hitting my sunburned face, stained purple. You’re still going to leave.
“We’ll always love you,” Afa finished.
“I’ll follow you,” I choked out. “In a few years, once there’s a movement against the knives. Once the king is dead and they’re gone. I-I’ll leave and bring you back a-and we—”
Masuru shushed me, knowing there was nothing that would change my mind. “We know. We love you, Terra. Just be safe, okay? It’s a big responsibility to live on your own, especially in this city. Don’t let this all be for nothing.”
“I’ll protect them,” I promised. The life-stealing knife felt heavy in my jacket. “I promise. I’m not throwing my life away.”
“You’ll be the resounding heart of the rebellion, just like you were in our family.” Afa smiled weakly. “I love you, Terra. We both do.”
I stepped out of their hug, giving a weak smile. “I love you too.”